Enyacore: the 1990s revival absolutely no one saw coming

Name: Enyacore.

Age: Brand new, with hints of 1988 (the release date of Orinoco Flow).

Appearance: Luxuriant, like a mossy velvet pillow; hand-hewn, like an antique wooden milking stool.

Is this another TikTok microtrend? I’m so tired: I just want to stare at a tree. It isn’t, although #medievaltiktok is a tangentially relevant 4.6-billion-view juggernaut. Vice has reported on a “vibe shift” in interiors towards a pared-back modern medieval aesthetic, inspired by the audio and other stylings of the castle-dwelling Celtic icon Eithne Ní Bhraonáin (AKA Enya).

Please never say “vibe shift” again. Just wait until you hear about “whimsigothic”, which is a similar but less austere trend: think Buffy the Vampire Slayer, chokers, droopy sleeves and candles galore.

I have no idea what you are talking about. Pull up a milking stool and I’ll explain. You know how Y2K is in at the moment: crop tops, silky slip dresses and ultra-low-rise jeans? This is similar: goth-lite 90s and 00s fashion, but for your home.

I see (I don’t). So how do you get the Enyacore look? Check you’re on the right track by asking yourself: “Is this an item that you could use to barter on the Silk Road?”

My Ottoman history is rusty. Do I need wool? Tapestries? You’re being too literal. As Vice puts it: “Enyacore is all about blending stark contrasts and brut materials; it’s about sipping your wine as you lock eyes with a rat.”

Is that supposed to help? Sigh. Velvet sofas, metallic candlesticks and tassels are having a moment, basically.

A-ha! Velvet soft furnishings and wrought iron: so it’s actually more of a Laurence Llewelyn Bowen revival? He’s Y2K, right? Who? Oh, and you’re going to need some chainmail.

Chainmail? Yes. You could “layer a chainmail bra over a mesh turtleneck”. Alternatively, a chainmail coif “looks jaw-droppingly good on everyone”.

Absolutely not. Roll me in that faux-fur throw over there, I’m done. You might want to reconsider: according to the same Vice article, a faux-fur throw “makes for a great sex blanket”.

Brrrr. What does Enya make of it? I doubt she knows it’s happening: she checks her email only every few weeks, according to a 2015 interview. She might have won four Grammys and be phenomenally rich, successful and influential, but Enya lives a peaceful, contemplative life. “Do you look at the tree that you pass every day?” she asked in 2017. “We shouldn’t really lose sight of what’s there.”

She gets it! OK, I’m going Enyacore. I knew you’d come round. Let’s celebrate with a TikTok dance.

Do say: “Sail away, sail away, sail away.”

Don’t say: “Help! My chainmail is tangled in the tassled sex throw and I’m dangerously close to the flaming candelabra.”