A 2-year-old rescue dog in New Jersey has gone viral after his foster parent penned a hilariously honest description of what to expect from the “demonic” pooch.
Tyfanee Fortuna, who is fostering the 13-pound Chihuahua named Prancer, wrote on Facebook last week that she’s tried for months to make the pup sound “palatable” to potential adopters.
“The problem is, he’s just not. There’s not a very big market for neurotic, man hating, animal hating, children hating dogs that look like gremlins,” she wrote on Facebook.
“But I have to believe there’s someone out there for Prancer, because I am tired and so is my family. Every day we live in the grips of the demonic Chihuahua hellscape he has created in our home.”
Fontuna went on to describe Prancer as being the embodiment of the Chihuahua meme that refers to the breed as “50% hate and 50% tremble.”
“If you’re intrigued and horrified at how this animal sounds already, just wait….there’s more. Prancer came to me obese, wearing a cashmere sweater, with a bacon egg n cheese stuffed in his crate with him. I should have known in that moment this dog would be a problem,” she said.
Fontuna said the dog had been previously owned by an elderly woman “who treated him like a human and never socialized with him.”
When he first came to stay with her family, Prance was “too terrified to have a personality,” she said.
“As awful as it sounds, I kind of liked him better that way,” she said.
“I was excited to see him come out of his shell and become a real dog. I am convinced at this point he is not a real dog, but more like a vessel for a traumatized Victorian child that now haunts our home,” she continued.
She said Prancer has never been around any children and only likes women.
“He hates men more than women do, which says a lot. If you have a husband don’t bother applying, unless you hate him,” she wrote.
The small pooch also doesn’t take well to other pets.
“Have other dogs? Cats? Don’t apply unless they like being shaken up like a ragdoll by a 13lb rage machine,” she said.
Despite the pup’s faults, Fontuna acknowledged that he did have some good traits.
“He likes to go for car rides, he is housebroken, he knows a few basic commands, he is quiet and non destructive when left alone at home, and even though we call him bologna face he is kind of cute to look at,” she said.
She said she understands that finding someone “who wants a chucky doll in a dogs body is hard,” but encouraged anyone to apply for him if they’ve always wanted their own “haunted Victorian child in the body of a small dog that hates men and children.”
“Oh, also he’s only 2yrs old and will probably live to be 21 through pure spite, so take that into account if you’re interested,” she added.