Man's Desperate Kidney Search: 'I Want To Be Here For My Family'

WATER MILL, NY — A Water Mill grandfather with end-stage kidney disease only has one, fervent wish — to stay alive so that he can spend more time with his precious family.

Priscilla Bijur Kane sent out a heart-achingly urgent appeal to family and friends: "My husband, Gerry Kane, now has end-stage kidney disease and is in urgent need of a life-saving donor kidney. Gerry, as many of you know, is a wonderful husband, father and grandfather and would rather be with his family more than anything else in life."

Kane said she was posting the message in the hope that someone might know of a person who is "able and willing to do this incredible act of human kindness, of donating a kidney — or that you would be kind enough to repost this message and help us spread the word."

The Kanes, she said, are working with a non-profit organization, Renewal, to help find potential kidney donors.

"It's been a journey," said Gerry Kane, 79. Although he has had hypertension for 50 years, he thought all was under control. But then he was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes about 10 years ago.

Now Kane finds himself in desperate need of a transplant. The Kanes, who divide their time between New York and Water Mill, said they are working with a wonderful hospital, Weill Cornell — and are filled with hope that a live donor can be found who might donate a kidney.

"The truth is, I feel there is someone out there who might give me a kidney," Kane said. With medicine ever-evolving, advances are "in his favor," he said. "A person can live very well now with just one kidney. Many people have done it."

Listening to the Kanes, their voices laced with love and a rich, shared history of family and precious memories, reflect their optimism even in the face of such a looming obstacle.

His fervent wish, Kane said, is to stay alive for his family, including his beloved grandchildren. "My family is the most important thing to me."

Kane is no stranger to rising above seemingly insurmountable challenges. "I grew up as a poor kid on the Lower East Side in a tenement," he said. "My father died when I was 13 and my mother worked in a bakery. I had to go out and hustle."

While he always did well in school, when he and his classmates were graduating and others were heading on to medical or law school, Kane said, "I had to earn a living. I took the first job I could get my hands on."

Working his way up the ladder, Kane ultimately found success and became the president of a home furnishings company that made decorative fabrics, including cubicle curtains for hospitals.

But no matter how far he ascended professionally, his feet were always firmly planted at home, surrounded by his family.

Kane and his wife, Priscilla, met when they were older — she was 36 and he was 40 — and they were both out in the Hamptons summering with friends.

"I had a job and I worked really hard, and my father said, 'I'm going to treat you," so that I could spend time in the Hamptons," Priscilla said. Kane was in the Hamptons, too, also in a share house with friends.

The pair met at Bobby Van's in Bridgehampton — where they still go, all the time, she said.

"We met on Memorial Day, we started dating by Labor Day, we were engaged by Thanksgiving and we were married by Valentine's Day. It was just quick. And now we have our 40th anniversary coming up this year," she said. "We were just really lucky."

What drew the lifetime lovebirds together was that they both wanted children so badly. Today, it is that same abiding joy they find in their two sons and precious grandchildren that has them working tirelessly to find a kidney donor, so that they have more glorious years together, and the time to make new forever memories.

Over the years — Kane also spent time in the Army and worked in his industry for 40 years — Kane has always made time for his children, coaching their sports teams and being actively engaged in their day-to-day lives.

The road has not been easy, Kane admits. Kidney disease has made concentration difficult while reading, one of his favorite pursuits. "I find it frustrating," he said.

Also, Priscilla said, with so many hundreds of thousands of people in need of a kidney in the United States, especially in New York City, the wait is long. The couple will travel to other parts of the United States, if necessary, to get on the list for a kidney if it becomes available.

"Our hope is for an altruistic live donor," they said.

And that's why Priscilla has devoted her shining focus on doing everything possible to save her husband, the love of her life.

Since April, she's shared their message on Facebook, on Instagram, with family, friends and strangers, in the hope that someone will come forward and save the man who means everything to her and their family.

Even if a donor can't give a kidney to Kane, there are paired donations, or kidney exchanges, that give transplant candidates additional options; the donor kidneys are transplanted among a group of recipients so each patient gets the kidney they need, she said.

"The greatest gift in the world is to save a life," she said. For those who practice Judaism, she said, the highest mitzvah, or good deed done in the name of faith, is to save a life.

Renewal, and Weill Cornell, they said, have both been wonderful. "We are hoping that a donor will come through," Kane said. "That's probably my best hope."

Their sons, they said, have not been considered as donors, because Kane's disease is genetic and if they fall ill down the line their parents want them to have both kidneys.

Their sons, 35 and 38, both said, are hugely supportive. "They call me every day," he said.

And on weekends, when they head to the Water Mill home they have shared for 25 years, the home is filled with children and laughter and precious life.

His grandchildren, Kane said, call him Grandpa Gerry.

"Every single time we arrive at our house, we take a deep breath, breathe in that fresh, country air, and know that our happiest moments are spent in this jewel of a place. How lucky we've been," Priscilla said.

Even now, when life is difficult, having family by their sides is a blessing, Priscilla said. "To have family close and loving means so much," she said, as does the outpouring from the many who want to help save her husband's life.

When the kids and grandchildren head through the door, Kane said, "It’s the most wonderful feeling. I don’t play golf. I don’t have hobbies. My kids and my family are the most important thing in my life. I just want to be around for my family."

The answer, doctors and they agree, lies optimally in finding a live donor.

And so, together, hand in hand as they have been for 40 years, the couple is facing the challenge, so that the next chapter of their love story can be written. "I have ups and downs," he said. "But we try to stay positive."

To learn how to save a life or obtain more information about kidney donation, call Renewal at 718-431-9831 Ext. 209. Or email R23959@renewal.org; that number relates solely to Gerry Kane.

For additional information, go to Renewal's website. All inquiries to Renewal are strictly confidential and are without any obligation, the Kanes said. "We never hear about them nor are ever told about them. Renewal can also put you in touch with others who have donated a kidney and are willing to share their experience. Please note that all medical costs for evaluation and surgery are covered by our insurance. Any other costs like travel expenses and lodging, or missed wages or other costs will be covered by Renewal," they said.

Priscilla said she is so grateful for anyone who might reach out a hand to help her true love: "Thank you so very much, from the bottom of my heart," she said.