Chelsea Handler has the hots for Robert Mueller.
In her new memoir, “Life Will Be the Death of Me” (Spiegel & Grau, out Tuesday), the funny lady claims the election of Donald Trump caused a midlife crisis that was eased by erotic dreams of the “incredibly sexy” head of the special counsel in his underwear.
“I’m not embarrassed by my feelings for Robert Mueller,” she writes. “I am legitimately attracted to him and everything he stands for . . . I suspect there will be a lot of people naming their baby boys Bob after this whole s–tshow is over.”
Handler, who begins a 20-city tour to promote the book on Thursday, believed, like many Trump detractors, that Mueller’s investigation would lead to the president’s indictment and impeachment.
The book went to the printer before Mueller turned in his 400-page report that seemingly will not legally affect Trump’s position.
The memoir, about taking a year off from performing to undergo psychotherapy with Dr. Dan Siegel, is far more serious than Handler’s five previous best sellers, as she comes to grips with the death of her brother and her mother.
Handler also explores the reasons why, at 44, she is without a man in her life.
“I’ll hook up with younger guys who are absolute and utter messes,” she writes. “These relationships are based solely on their looks and their bodies. It’s completely reckless behavior.”
Handler confesses it has cost her tens of thousands of dollars, “because I usually upend their lives in some irreparable way . . . Like a couple guys got fired who worked at resorts where I was a guest.”
“I just want to do anything that will make them feel better, so I usually just give them money,” Handler writes.
Netflix — which aired her most recent talk show, “Chelsea” — is set to release Handler’s documentary about white privilege later this year.
As to whether Mueller wears boxers or briefs, Handler is certain it’s boxers, plus a crew-neck T-shirt.
“Through the months of thick fog and despair after the election, he was the one bright spot,” Handler wrote. “I had finally found the first Republican I could see myself being penetrated by.”