A food evil greater than pineapple pizza has emerged, and we need to band together for some good ol' fashion public shaming.
Sound the ice cream truck alarm, because a accursed food is on its way: hot dog ice cream.
The food fight began with the mustard company French's, who announced their collaboration with Coolhaus to bring us French's Mustard Ice Cream in honor of National Mustard Day on Saturday. Heinous, but not deplorable. The food truck bringing this to the masses will at least carry a pretzel cookie to cleanse your palate, and also your sense of what is right in the world.
But we're not here to talk about them today. Another brand stepped up to the plate to challenge them, upping the culinary anté when it was really not necessary. Oscar Mayer has announced the Ice Dog Sandwich. Yes, you read that right.
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"You may have heard that a certain condiment brand released an ice cream yesterday," the press email reads. "But, who eats just mustard? Condiments were made for an Oscar Mayer hot dog... so today, we announce the Ice Dog Sandwich: a hot dog infused ice cream with real bits of candied Oscar Mayer hot dogs served alongside spicy mustard ice cream."
The two flavors (which should not be cold in the first place) will be sandwiched between two cookie "buns." Oscar Mayer's rationale for this creation? "Because a hot dog for dinner should be chased by a hot dog for dessert." NO.
The experience of eating a hot dog with mustard should not be translated into a frozen form. I feel like I'm living in a parallel universe where up is down and Netflix doesn't cancel good shows after their second seasons.
As a certified chicken nugget-peeler, I almost feel like I have no moral high ground to stand on in terms of this debate. Don't cast nugget stones in glass fast food houses, ya know? But sometimes you come across something so unbelievably wrong that you have to unpack it a little.
As you can see by the responses to the announcement, people are a little grossed out. Even the poll in Oscar Mayer's tweet currently states 80 percent of voters chose "No — I eat condiments solo."
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Even Oscar Mayer's Twitter account tried to step and defend their hot dog expertise. Yeah, it's still gonna be a no from me.
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Try it for yourselves folks, if you're able. Who knows, we might all be pleasantly surprised! According to Oscar Mayer, its Wienermobile will be touring the Manhattan area during the week of August 12 to pass out samples of its Ice Dog Sandwich.
Brands, please think before you freeze your favorite creations.
