Donald Trump Definitely Not Vladimir Putin’s Puppet, Yells Donald Trump During Third Presidential Debate

Well, that settles that.
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Inasmuch as intelligence officials can be confident about anything that goes on in darkened computer labs on the other side of the world, U.S. officials are quite sure that the Russian government is behind the recent high-profile e-mail hacks of Democratic affiliates, and that its express purpose in doing so is to interfere with the American presidential election. Because some kind of unforeseen cataclysmic event like this is really Donald Trump's only hope of winning, the GOP nominee has been remarkably evasive when asked about the hacks in recent weeks. In fact, he claimed during the last debate that the hacks might not even be real at all.

Remember, as terrifying as this may be given that one of the nominees is a former reality-TV star who openly traffics in racist conspiracy theories, the major-party presidential candidates receive classified foreign-policy briefings in the months leading up to each election. And while the Obama administration made public its conclusions about the Russian government in early October, Trump and Clinton first learned of this in their briefings in mid-August. During tonight's debate, Trump was again asked if he would simply acknowledge Russia's role in these cyber attacks. Get your forks ready, because here comes a word salad.

Trump: I don't know Putin. He said nice things about me. If we got along well, that would be good. If Russia and the United States got along well and went after ISIS, that would be good. He has no respect for her. He has no respect for our president. And I'll tell you what, we're in very serious trouble because we have a country with tremendous numbers of nuclear warheads, 1,800, by the way, where they expanded and we didn't — 1,800 nuclear warheads, and she's playing chicken. Look—

Trump: Putin, from everything I see, has no respect for this person.

Clinton: Well, that's because he'd rather have a puppet as president.

Trump: No puppet, no puppet.

Clinton: And it's pretty clear—

Trump: You're the puppet.

Clinton: It's pretty clear you won't admit.

Trump: No, you're the puppet.

After this nationally televised fifth-grade-recess exchange, Trump again doubled down on his lie:

Trump: She has no idea whether it's Russia, China, or anybody else. She has no idea.

Clinton: There are 17—

Trump: You have no idea.

Clinton: 17 intelligence. Do you doubt 17 military and civilian agencies?

Trump: Our country has no idea. I doubt it.

To be clear, Donald Trump has heard directly from U.S. intelligence agencies that the Russian government was behind these hacks. There are really only two possible explanations here: Either he is too stupid to understand simple facts that senior-level intelligence officials are telling him to his face, or he is a craven liar who has no problem ignoring foreign governments' intrusions in the American political system if it stands even a slight chance of propping up his listing candidacy. (Yes, both can be true. Thank you for asking.)